DW: XWarriors
by ecnal nogardnap
Summary: Set apart for their special gifts, these playable characters unite to fight for goodevil in this crazy oneshot parody!


**Dynasty Warriors: X-Warriors**

**Summary:** Liu Bei is THE telepath while Zhuge Liang can shoot eye beams. Cao Cao is the master of magnetism and Xu Zhu is The Blob, Dian Wei is an unstoppable force, Cao Pi is the fastest man alive and Pang De is Sabertooth. Yue Ying is a telekinetic/telepath, Jiang Wei is a furry teleporter and Ma Chao pops claws out from his skin and drinks alcohol. Crazy parody? You betcha!

**Disclaimer:** X-Men is property of Marvel, DW is property of Koei.

A.N.: WAY short.

It was an ordinary day at the X-Mansion. The X-Warriors were just enjoying a lazy day relaxing. Liu Bei resting in his wheelchair, Ma Chao drinking liquor and Yue Ying simply relaxing.

The youngest of the team of mutants, Jiang Wei, a.k.a. Nightcrawler, was simply teleporting around and exploring the area with childlike wonder. Zhuge Laing, however, was still no guard.

"Come on, Zhuge! There's no way a villain is going to attack us on such a nice day!" Yue Ying called out to her beloved.

"One can never be too sure, my dear," he replied simply, focusing his visors.

At that precise moment, out of the foliage came 4 particularly destructive mutants that wanted to use their gifts to destroy China.

Besides, they were real jealous that most of their powers made them look ugly and fat, so they also wanted to trash the pretty boys.

"Hello, Eric…Uh….Meng De…" Liu Bei greeted calmly.

(A.N.: Contrary to first impressions and noobs, Magneto's real name is Eric Lensherr, not Magnus)

"You've stood in my way for far too long, Charles! Uh, I mean, Xuan De! Now prepare to die! Brotherhood of Evil Mutants! Attack!" the cunning floating man with the dorky looking helmet shouted.

"X-Warriors! To the rescue!"

Just as Liu Bei was about to use his telepathic powers on those without thought proof equipment, he was suddenly flung across the yard into a wall via his metallic wheelchair.

Just as Cao Cao was going to finish the job, Zhuge Liang shot an optic blast that knocked Cao Cao's helmet clean off. Liu Bei took advantage of the situation and immediately entered his former friend's mind. There, a battle of titanic willpowers took place.

Meanwhile, chaos broke out with the others. Ma Chao dove straight for Pang De and the 2 were slashing at each other like mad, though the healing factors of both warriors easily healed the wounds.

Cao Pi was about to go on a whirlwind flurry to knock everyone into submission when suddenly, he heard a BAMF and felt fur on his back. The lightning costumed son of Cao Cao was even more shocked when 3 fingered hands blocked his line if sight and he ran around aimlessly.

The unstoppable Dian Wei was bearing down on the presently occupied Liu Bei when Ye Ying floated down and pushed him back.

"HA! You won't be nearly enough to stop me!"

"Not on my own, buuuut…."

Yue Ying suddenly flicked her wrist up and the thought-proof helmet flew up. Then, she too tried a psionic attack.

Zhuge, in the meanwhile, was unleashing a full blast at Xu Zhu. The fat one, however, wasn't budging.

"Nothing moves Xu Zhu!"

"Oh really?"

Zhuge simply removed his visor and fired an extreme concussive blast, knocking Xu Zhu clean off his feat.

Suddenly, just when all the villains were knocked back, they got a sudden second wind.

"How…?" Liu Bei uttered.

"Randomness, you fool! Now face the might of the Frightful Five!"

At that moment, Zhen Ji, Zhang Liao, Xu Huang, Xiahou Yuan and Xiahou Dun burst through more foliage.

"Well, let's see how you like this…Avengers! Assemble!"

At that moment, Sun Jian floated in, wearing a mystic iron suit to keep him alive. He was followed by Sun Ce with the mystic tonfas Mjolnir and Bob, Zhou Tai the android with a red face and yellow/green paint job, Captain Gan Ning and finally Huang Gai, the man made entirely out of energy!

Just as the battle was about to rage on more randomly than ever, a voice boomed.

"STOP!"

They did.

Then, Zuo Ci, eater of worlds and master of cosmic balance landed, as gigantic as ever. He stared at the mortals.

"I, Zuo Ci, eater of worlds, have chosen Earth as my next meal! Not only is it rich with power, it is also rich with randomness! I should be destroying a major threat to the harmonics of the galaxy!"

Liu Bei rolled forward in his miraculously functioning wheelchair.

"But surely we can convince you of the good of…?"

"Nope."

With that, a giant death ray sucked all life on earth into a machine where it was processed into a healthy and nutritious meal. Zuo Ci, eater of worlds and master of cosmic balance had never had such a delicious meal. He was pleased indeed.

_-The REAL X-Mansion…-_

"Who the hell wrote this crap?" Wolverine muttered.

"He didn't even give us any lines, mein friend!" Nightcrawler exclaimed.

"Galactus is NOT pleased…" the REAL eater of worlds muttered.

**The End!**

A.N.: Hope you enjoyed it!


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